by - January 22, 2018

I have an almost 5 year old middle child that lies...not an imaginary tale or random story, but straight up lies. And they are obvious lies and everyone knows she is lying. But she is so adamant that I sometimes wonder if she really believes what she says.

Here are some samples:

Me: Can you go wash your hands please?
K: I did!
Me: When?
K: Just now. (when in the same room with her and haven't seen her move)

K: Can I have a cookie?
Me: No, you just had one.
K: No, I didn't. (with cookie crumbs on her mouth and clothes)

Me: Can you clean up your toys?
K: But I didn't play with them. (as she is still playing with them)

Me: Who spilled the water?
K: You did! (as she is looking at me and there are only two of us in the room)

And almost always, I would say, "STOP LYING!"

These are just a few examples but it seems like every other word she speaks is a lie these days. Not only does she lie, but she whines constantly, is the last one to fall asleep at night, and she behaves completely opposite at school (angel) and at home (not an angel). I must admit I have the hardest time showing her grace and patience.

I shared my frustration with one of my friends and she said she used to lie to her parents all the time knowing that she was lying. She said she wanted to avoid getting in trouble, but got in more trouble for lying, so she doesn't know why she lied so much. And my reaction to that was..."Whew, and you turned out great. I still have hope!"

Of course I don't want her to continue to lie. But when I research about her problematic behaviors online, many articles say that these are all normal behaviors for her age. Lying, split personality, being emotional...not only are these behaviors normal, but actually may be a good thing. Some studies show that kids who have split personalities or lie have higher IQ and social skills when they grow up.

And then I realized, what it really comes down to isn't her behavior, it's my response. I cannot change her, but I can only change myself and how I react to her. When she is crying, lying, acting out at home, but being an angel at school, there is a reason. It's just inconvenient for me, so I regard her reasoning and focus on her behaviors. I hope I can start to at least acknowledge her needs in my response to her and maybe her response will change too.

K: Can I have a cookie?
Me: I know you want more, but can we save some for oppa? Mommy will get you more next time.

Below are pictures from our date day. We watched the Frozen musical and ate donuts after. She is the sweetest angle on our dates. Maybe all she really needs is more of one on one attention.

Frozen Musical
Location: Naru Art Center in Gwangjingu 
Dates & Times: until Jan. 28th 
Thurs-Fri 3PM
Sat-Sun 1PM and 3PM
*Purchase Tickets Online (I ordered from Coupang) 

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